I know that you think that I shouldn't love you still, but there's no sense in not saying it when I still feel it.
I still feel it. Each and every day, regardless of what you have to say, regardless of the feelings I keep at bay, regardless of all of the pain and dismay, I still love you.
I live by no rules, nothing to guide me, nothing to shackle me, nothing to bind me - I won't surrender to this, I will embrace every ounce of it.
You mean everything to me, and always will, and when we see each other again, which I know we will, you'll see that there is something there, even when you've moved on and I very clearly have not.
Tie my hands together and throw me overboard otherwise I will sink with this ship, fighting tooth-and-nail til the bitter end, when the white flag of surrender waves above, know that all is lost, all is forgotten, and I have perished, because I won't give up until there's no more blood pumping in my veins.
Forgive me if this is too forward or not forward enough, everything is tough when things start to get rough, but trust me darling, I won't stop even when I've had enough.
This is a dangerous game we play - delicately balancing love and hate on a thin wire, hoping it can withstand the weight with which we so carelessly place - ever fading structures and old bones too brittle to carry the weight with which we so carelessly place - patience will be our hand to guide us across this tightrope and maybe when we make it across we'll be together again, we'll be whole again.
Maybe, just maybe, if you put your hand in mine, we can walk hand-in-hand again, through poppy fields of vermilion and carmine hues, touching sappy, pendulous bulbs, getting our fingers all sticky, and in that moment you'll be mine again, you will be mine again.
We fight just to lose each other all over again with every stride we take - every step forward is two steps back, well I'll make leaps and bounds when it comes to the fight to hold you close, I'll hold you closer than anything has ever been held, and you'll understand why I can't let go.
Or maybe I should just let go, everything feels so tiresome and unrelenting, your pride and ego multiply the pain that you inflict by refusing to see the terrifying truth - the truth that we were meant to be - the truth that is you and me.
If I'm yellow-bellied, cowardly and full of nothing but unsolicited advances, let my pace be steadfast, as I march ahead into battle, a battle that no one seems to care about but me, the battle for your heart, the battle for the art, the battle for the start. I need to find a stable footing to tread on, a solid foundation to build on, a sound surface to forge our future upon. Everything that makes this real comes with nothing but pain, ending with rain, tugging at what keeps me sane, I lose myself all over again within those burgundy locks and that thick mane, until my battered body walks with an unsound gape aided by a cane. I will wish upon every star that this will stop, start, start over again.
You see me as an enemy because of what I've done to you, but you don't know how hard it was for me at the time, the demons I was fighting in my mind, the haunted soul of my past ripping and tearing at my spine, making me a terrified, uncomfortable mess, lost in the silence and lack of shelter - I needed your embrace when you turned away - I needed anything to get me by, rather than get me high, when high is all I wanted to be, why was it so hard for you to see, that this clearly was meant to be.
I need something, anything to get me by, I need something, anything to get me high; feeling as if I have no tears left to cry, I tear up and say my goodbye, for the bitter end of us draws nigh; alter your perception of the sky, it will disquiet you when you try to flee or fly, just know that nothing I told you was ever a lie.
This discourse is surmounting and even Atlas couldn't carry the burden upon his shoulders, so how am I expected to cope with your loss? Everything is so quiet, so cold, so still, and my feelings for you still pervade every inch of my soul, my body yearns for more, my heart aches for you, come back to me once and for all.
Sticks and stones that you throw are harrowing, you bedevil me, cut me down, carve out my dignity, and I can't seem to find my courage, you've taken the best parts of me and strewn them across the floor, and I worry I won't be able to reassemble the pieces this time.
Pain, pain, pain, that's all that is left for us, and we share the weight of the destruction we caused, the mess that was our relationship, and the pain that is our longing yet fading desire to reunite - just open up your eyes and take it in for what it is, don't overthink it, and maybe you'll feel the same way that I do - maybe you'll understand why we were meant to be, why the Earth doesn't move when you're not here with me, why the sky rains torrential downpour in your absence, why the blood pumping through my veins is like lava coursing through me, there's nothing left but fire and discord inside of my head.
I guess I've got to move on if I ever expect to be happy again, but the idea of living without you seems so agonized, brokenhearted, crestfallen, despondent, yet I will have to swallow that pill and learn to love again, love again, love someone that isn't you, love myself again, love myself again.
Well, don't you feel sorry for me, I have made peace with the cross that I bare, the mess that you left behind, and the damage you caused - I may be nothing but a shell of what I used to be, but I will feel something once again.