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Finding The HookThe beginning is always the hardest part. How do you hook someone into reading any further, into listening any further? I guess it could go something like this.
It literally ached to watch her stare into my eyes. She was so painfully in love, and all I wanted to do was be apart of the experience with her. I admired her courage, however. A huge part of me was scared and full of cowardice. I was scared of the inevitable. I was in shambles, hardly able to carry myself as a man. What condition was I in to be able to commit myself, my entire self, to someone else?
But, even then, is that enough? There's so many things I want to say, so many things I could say. Where do I start? En media res, maybe? Or do I go all the way back to the beginning? It's all so confusing, and at times even amusing, trying to unscramble the events and the experiences that are the composition and mortar of a relationship. The part of me that wasn't yellow was broken. I was truly and deeply afraid in the most sincer
The Insecurity Quantumis this everything i thought
it would be
or is it all starting to fade
or do the things we love only slip
without any warning or hint
to remind me
that every shred of my being
has lost decency
when my hopes abandoned me
with such unrequited urgency
everything i hold dear
so fast to descend from me
i'll use the word hope
oh so fucking sparingly
in hopes of you sparing me
from a life of mediocrity
and the absence of tenacity
my inspiration lacks luster
and i lack the guts to muster
the courage to stand up to insecurity
we can't all live in sheer purity
when sin seems to exist so abundantly
i'll be sure to leave a note on the bed side table
when i sneak out in the middle of the night so quietly
to avoid the assault on my confidence about to occur so violently
when all i want is to be considered great so desperately
threaded, bound to the fear of inferiority
i don't know anymore if success is what
lies on the horizons for my misguided story
a journey that calls
Know Hopelittle by little i can feel it
gnawing away at my insides
inching and squirming its way
up my spine
or lack thereof
i'm colored yellow and
scared to admit that maybe
i'm not good enough
to see this through
to the end
if there is even
an end in sight
despite all my might
i've lost the courage
to stand and fight
even when all of
knows it's right
i hope you can see
the vision i have in mind
that transpires in the
w h e r e d o e s m y r u i n l i e
i s i t i n m y w o r d s
you can call it what
but that won't
make a god damn
is eating me
how does one know
if their passion
is worth pursuing
how does one know
if their talent
is more than just
if this is the
i'm slowly tipping
and i'm not sure
i want to catch
My Own Worst EnemySome days I question what it is that keeps me going,
what it is that drives me in constant motion -
and every inhale and exhale that
I struggle to take
with lungs constricted
I gasp on insecurity
If this world is mine for the taking
tell me, why is it that my grip falters
My ambition may exceed my talent at times
hidden behind twisted words and rhymes
If arrogance is wealth,
I'm as poor as dirt
for these days I can
hardly muster up enough
confidence to say that
this is what I want
But every ounce of me knows I want nothing else
and every ounce of me knows that this is my dream
I'd give it all to just have a glimpse of success
If success is measured in the eyes of those I
so desperately wish to reach
If this is where I belong,
I just need a sign
a praise, a pat on the back
anything indicative of
the greatness I expect
out of myself
Dreams of my FatherAll of the pieces of me
scattered so delicately
away from the very essence
that is supposed to make me whole
Even if the ground were to collapse
and the stable footing my mind
forces the illusion of
I'd let myself fall into oblivion
Part of me is still hoping that
my past will not mold my future
and part of me hopes that you
can see the good inside of me
even when I can not
I hold onto every bit of aggression and
repressed anger, from poorly constructed
memories and tattered mnemonic recordings -
You're not him
I keep trying to convince myself of
something that I hope the rest of the
world already recognizes as the truth -
Just let it go
I pray that whatever entity above
is listening to my last attempts
to beg pardon for the sins I commit
I can't predict who I'll become
I can only live in this very moment
so I ask that you open your eyes
and I'll do the same and
we'll see reality together
in all of it's glory
Turning The TideI just wanted to know the foundation would be solid
I longed to feel steady on my feet in this
ever changing world - where the ground constantly
shifts and there's no certainty of tomorrow.
I would take that leap of faith, to live among
the clouds, rather than constantly staring to the
stars in hopes of my dreams coming from above,
but I can only hold my head up high and keep spirits.
Dismiss everything that holds you down, the weight
of the world becomes all too apparent when we
try to take on the full burden of our doubts
with the hope of having everything that makes us happy.
Oh but what really makes us happy in a world where
everything is about that very next step, and
the collection of things instead of experiences and
relationships along the way, I'm still just waiting now.
I'm still just waiting for my heart to tell the truth,
for some awakening within to guide me to the place
where the aching of my soul is no longer consuming
and I'll know that fear is just a thing of the past.
the truth about growing up
1. It's easier when you don't think.
1. It starts early,
on a cloudy day when you recall
the 'childhood memories' of
two summers ago,
that's when you start your backslide into
2. On the bright side
you won't notice this until you're
good and ripe in age,
so maybe it doesn't matter
3. That tightness in your chest?
The feeling that you're not ready
to take on the rest of your life; it
4. It stews in the pit of your stomach
makes you doubt,
but there will be days when you look back
on the mountains you climbed -
the raging rivers you crossed -
and you'll have a sneaking suspicion you were
more prepared than you thought.
5. There's nothing like your own bed.
6. Laundry will never smell right
without mom's sweat and tears.
But you still have to separate lights from darks,
keep the zippers pulled tight
and the buttons unhooked.
7. There is comfort in your parents' presence.
8. Things change
the future gnaws and rips
Stranger's funeralUnder the clouds
Under the rain
Staring at the coffin
At a stranger's funeral
We're all alone
Feeling the storm
But not the pain
For he's but a stranger
And the graves around us
Are just there
Keeping us company
During this empty moment
LullabyHush, my baby,
Be still, don't cry.
Lay with me
A little while.
Close your eyes,
Slow your breath.
Hear your heart
Inside your chest?
Your heart is strong,
It guides you well.
Be sure to listen
To what it tells.
I hear him now,
Outside the room.
It won't be long,
He'll find us soon.
Now close your eyes,
Slow your breath,
And rest your head
Upon my chest.
CarolineYou loved the fire
of rogues -
imperfect men who shot up
the endings of the day
and drank down
too much beauty.
And like one of them,
you bellied with rebellion,
felt his tense seed
toil where women
and craved his notoriety.
Poor girl -
his verses won the day
and the call of words
was too fickle a lover
for any constant star.
Don't blame yourself -
are more attractive
and all poets are
things to tell you before i leave for collegeto mrs hatcher:
i promise that one day i will write that poem you asked me for
(the only thing you ever asked me for)
and i will finally tell you that you deserve
so much more.
to mr. walker:
i promise that i will not pity you.
i promise that i will not envy you.
i promise that you will always be part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds.
i promise to always be grateful.
i promise to be careful.
i promise to be crazy.
i promise that i will remember what it feels like to be needed
and what it feels like to let someone who needs you down.
i promise that i will never resent you for asking for help
and that i will always be there when you do.
i promise that even sixty years from now,
i will not be surprised to find a letter from you in my mailbox.
i promise to always remember what it felt like to be young and crazy with you,
how scared and lonely we were.
i will remember that we both survived it,
and that we'll survive this, too.
To the Boy Who Likes PoetryHe was a maze of metaphors
but she didn't mind
getting lost in him
raising a warrior never was an easy jobi.
when i was a child i would
sit on the porch in the rocking chair and watch
the sky fall and the ground flood -
safe on my wooden throne, i'd call out
amid the thunder that
it would never pull me to the sky, away from
the home i'd always known; when the storm
would cease i'd stand triumphant
over fallen soldiers, lying
like stained glass and shimmering, rippling --
when i was older
i stood in kitchen and watched you
bake, fingers drumming to the beat of a
war-drum you never could hear -
and you'd tell me stories of sleeping beauties
while i read about the knights
who risked their lives, got angry at the girl --
you taught me how to be
a lioness when you realized this girl would
never be a queen. i was made to rule, but not in
robes, made to claw my way
out instead of sit and watch the fight -
my throat ached to sing
a shout of victory, my skin itched to dance
in a triumphant haze as charcoal painted
the night alive --
and now when thunder shakes
the ground i count its be
I Live For Others.I've always lived for others;
First, it was my answer
To put down the blade,
And to not go searching
For where the rope lay,
Now, I live for others;
Refusing to leave their side
Until they meet the light
That shines just as bright,
But remains here on Earth
To stay by your soul.
I'll always live for others.
Pestilent PrincessEvery compressed oval or circle,
down to each obscure ingestion
I knew you'd never let me down.
Those gorgeous porcelain eyes staring
back up at me until the very last moment.
Tell me your final words, your dying wishes,
and I will grant them all, for you
provide the nirvana I so desperately crave.
My pestilent princess, I will slay
every dragon it takes to get to you
even if it means chasing it for eternity.
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