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What Separates Us AllI knew I was different. It didn't take much, looking around at the world and then in the mirror. It wasn't only observations that made me feel unique. I could sense it within my very core. My upbringing further solidified my discernment. My skin, eyes, hair; things that we regard as shallow affiliations were the very things that helped me recognize that I stood out. However, that didn't help me understand why.
My insides churned every time someone uttered things like mutt and half-breed. I saw my Anglo mother and nothing else. The absence of my father, to me, was a consequence of their marriage. To everyone else, it was a statistical probability. "What a surprise, your dad isn't in your life. Let me guess, he is the black one?" How did they know? They knew every time. It didn't occur to me what they meant when I was knee-high, wading the world with naive dreams.
I didn't know the lack of privilege in my life was a direct result of the privilege of others. I didn't know th
Oppression:ImpressionMy bitter tongue I believed to be engendered, a raging swill
pulling and thrashing everything in the wake -
behind batting eyes
another step towards
I blamed the rage inside on diminishing lines between right
and wrong, unable to turn back the hands on the clock.
I didn't know how much I deserved both sides of the story,
when everything in my life was built of two halves,
unable to make everything whole.
Fuck, how could a craving for something unknown
hurt more than the most familiar of hungers:
how do I tell the difference anymore?
My anger is not inherent
It was born within the depths of self reflection
The catacombs of broken homes
Wounds that failed to heal
When I would refuse to mend fences
Self infliction is a lie we use to forgive,
a tool used to deflect the attenti
I Am NextI am next. This phrase to most people has little to no meaning. As a minority, these words ring loudly in my ears and deafen my ability to hear anything else. My attempts to reason and rationalize these inherent fear fall fruitless; for the very nature of origin in these words is all around me. Murmured comments, sideways glances, even the occasional, seemingly harmless fist bump; my day to day life is rampant with the faces of my oppressors. I keep my mouth shut when I get the cliché ‘You’re black? No way! You don’t talk black. I mean, no offense, but you don’t even dress black.’ Or, even more common, the ‘Oh, you’re mixed. So you aren’t really black, right?’ Micro-aggression and racist repression, the idolatry of ignorance is inherent and institutionalized, widely accepted, rampant and blatant, practiced each and every day.
I am next. I see a young man’s body lying in the street with a claret torrent staining the blackt
Finding The HookThe beginning is always the hardest part. How do you hook someone into reading any further, into listening any further? I guess it could go something like this.
It literally ached to watch her stare into my eyes. She was so painfully in love, and all I wanted to do was be apart of the experience with her. I admired her courage, however. A huge part of me was scared and full of cowardice. I was scared of the inevitable. I was in shambles, hardly able to carry myself as a man. What condition was I in to be able to commit myself, my entire self, to someone else?
But, even then, is that enough? There's so many things I want to say, so many things I could say. Where do I start? En media res, maybe? Or do I go all the way back to the beginning? It's all so confusing, and at times even amusing, trying to unscramble the events and the experiences that are the composition and mortar of a relationship. The part of me that wasn't yellow was broken. I was truly and deeply afraid in the most sincer
The Insecurity Quantumis this everything i thought
it would be
or is it all starting to fade
or do the things we love only slip
without any warning or hint
to remind me
that every shred of my being
has lost decency
when my hopes abandoned me
with such unrequited urgency
everything i hold dear
so fast to descend from me
i'll use the word hope
oh so fucking sparingly
in hopes of you sparing me
from a life of mediocrity
and the absence of tenacity
my inspiration lacks luster
and i lack the guts to muster
the courage to stand up to insecurity
we can't all live in sheer purity
when sin seems to exist so abundantly
i'll be sure to leave a note on the bed side table
when i sneak out in the middle of the night so quietly
to avoid the assault on my confidence about to occur so violently
when all i want is to be considered great so desperately
threaded, bound to the fear of inferiority
i don't know anymore if success is what
lies on the horizons for my misguided story
a journey that calls
Know Hopelittle by little i can feel it
gnawing away at my insides
inching and squirming its way
up my spine
or lack thereof
i'm colored yellow and
scared to admit that maybe
i'm not good enough
to see this through
to the end
if there is even
an end in sight
despite all my might
i've lost the courage
to stand and fight
even when all of
knows it's right
i hope you can see
the vision i have in mind
that transpires in the
w h e r e d o e s m y r u i n l i e
i s i t i n m y w o r d s
you can call it what
but that won't
make a god damn
is eating me
how does one know
if their passion
is worth pursuing
how does one know
if their talent
is more than just
if this is the
i'm slowly tipping
and i'm not sure
i want to catch
MaskShe wears a mask like it’s nothing.
Sometimes I forget it was made by demons.
I forget there’s a person living behind it.
Raspy Hill"I don't quite feel like myself."
I haven't for a while now.
My mind seems displaced,
Like it's wandered too far away.
"I've been having strange dreams lately."
Images of strange creatures dance in my sleep.
I don't know them but I know they are malicious.
What do they want?
"But now you're here and I'll make you feel right at home."
My saviour, my protector.
You'll guard me from this evil.
"Welcome to Raspy Hill."
This is my hell.
And you'll join me.
I'll make sure of it.
"Enjoy your stay."
Roses and barbed wireThe beauty of the roses
Right there for me to see
So colorful and vibrant
A sight to behold
But I can't get any closer
A fence surrounds them
Keeping them safe
Keeping me away
Away from their colors
Away from their scent
Trapped in this grey world of mine
Behind the barbed wire fence
Bibliophilia --C.To all the books I haven't read:
I have become your bookshelf
of dusted titles and busted spines
with arms that are full of fantasy
and romance and a head full
of memoirs I haven't written,
their lexicon curling my tongue
around five dollar word-plays
just behind the sheaf of my teeth.
With definitions straight to the point
and description airy and lofted
a dictionary defenestrates pages
that whirl into the night, petal
papers gliding like elegant
prose in a blank journal.
There is no table of contents
to map your way; follow the veins
ink leaves in the margins of my palms
because the books I've read tell me
if they give you ruled paper,
write the other way;
you are someone else's collage,
all the worn sad evidence of humanity,
stirred and sorted by a poet
because good books,
like bad people,
don't give up all their secrets at once.
Where Lover's Dream DarklyFor it is not a fable; — that which bleeds..
And her soul may whisper obsidian,
— But I am the sea of Darkness she craves
O’ long I hath bathed in these ravenous winds,
Watching shadows weep across river’s dreary
Upon nightscapes that plunder our souls —
A bouquet of crimson shall enchant thy lips;
Where slowly we fade into requiem
Drink me naked in the abyss of hungry wolves
Among demons and insanity, I thrust and fall
Ravaged, eons of lust spill from mine eyes,
And behold the Forests sing of murder!
In a sombre kiss, we shall undress the skies
Time will yield to the treasures of melancholy
I covet thee, unto this blood-filled Moon
O’ thou art beautiful decay upon my skin,
A ghostly visage dripping wanton & darkly ..
We are Lover’s haunting deaths lullaby;
Assassins brooding in a bewailing fairy-tale
She is mystic poison; & elixir immortale
Seek you me, in the mystique of necromancy
For I am the dream of Serpents fea
Sweet darknessDarkness, my dear
Darkness, my element
With your cold embrace
And keep me hidden
Hiden from the world
Hidden from my past
You are my ally
You are my friend
The only one I can trust
Vanquish the light
And cast your shadow
All over this world
Pestilent PrincessEvery compressed oval or circle,
down to each obscure ingestion
I knew you'd never let me down.
Those gorgeous porcelain eyes staring
back up at me until the very last moment.
Tell me your final words, your dying wishes,
and I will grant them all, for you
provide the nirvana I so desperately crave.
My pestilent princess, I will slay
every dragon it takes to get to you
even if it means chasing it for eternity.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More